Attachment

I am the type of person that gets attached easily. To people, to things, to places… to memories. Most of these fade away, yet I still have trouble detaching myself or preventing myself from being too attached. I do it again and again, like an endless cycle. The older I get, the more I am accepting the fact of life that people constantly come in and out our lives. I am completely aware of that, but it doesn’t take away the feeling of being hurt when those people leave. I find myself not trusting as much as I did because I have this mentality that that person will just leave sooner or later. All I can really do is hope for the best and not get hurt. Lately, I have been reflecting upon a tendency that I noticed I have been doing. I compare new friends to old friends who deserted me. “She was my best friend, yet she betrayed me, so there is a probability that you will too”. “He changed from wanting to be with me so badly to not wanting to have anything to do with me, so you will probably do the same as well”. While I can never know for sure whether the people in my life now will stay or not, it is unfair to them if I have this preconceived idea of what they will or will not do. Still, I cannot let myself become attached easily. I deeply care about the people around me more so than my own life at times. Despite the strong front I show, I am vulnerable too at times. The challenge I face in my life now is to figure out which people are worth showing that side of me to.

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